Setting the story straight

The story of the three little pigs is a famous story that has been told through
generations. However, the story is not entirely true. It is very much one-sided
because it has has only been told from the pigs point of view. So I, Mr.Woolfe,
will attempt to set the story straight by telling you what really happened. First of
all, let me take you back to when it all started.

My wife and I and our two kids lived in our peaceful little home in the
elmwoods. I knew it was a good place to live because it was safe…that is, until the boars moved into town. Word is, they were kicked out of their last neighbouhood because all the animals there had had enough of them. Apparently they would wreak havoc and act like they owned the place. Rumours started to spread through our neighbourhood about the things they had done in the neighbourhood where they had lived previously. A lot of the animals in the area started to worry for their safety, so much that many of them left town. But I decided that I wasn’t going to let a bunch of pigs frighten me out of town, I was determined to stand my ground.

One day I went to get some bread and milk from the dairy, when all of a
sudden into the dairy came the boars. Immediately they started to fill their bags with food, and when they were done, they headed straight for the door. I was fed up with their rude behavior, so I said to them,“Hey mud faces! You gonna pay for that!?” They stopped and looked at me surprisingly, and then looked intimidatingly over at the dairy owner and said to him “you tell this dog who we are”, and the owner replying in a frightened voice said “y…y…yes boys it’s alright”. As they continued on to the door, one of them turned to me and said “watch your back woolfe, you don't know who you’re messing with!” But I wasn't afraid.

Shortly after the boars moving in, the town became desolate because a lot of
the residents had left. A lot of my friends had moved away and I was led to think
“why did this have to happen now, when everything in my life was perfect?”. I had a nice house and a beautiful family. And just when things couldn’t get any worse, my wife took our kids and left me because I wasn’t prepared to leave town.

As you could imagine, I had pretty much had enough, and I just couldn’t take anymore. I was determined to make those boars pay. Legend has it that that all wolves descend from the Great warewolf ‘Wolf-tang’ who had the ability to transform into a vicious beast when he became furious, and as his descendants we had inherited the same ability. I’m not normally one to resort to violence but this was an exception. With all this fury in me I had turned into this vicious beast. I advanced over to the boar’s house and knocked on the door of his straw house and said “hey boar! let me in, or Ill huff and Ill puff and Ill blow your house in!” when he saw who was knocking on his door he cried “Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin”. So I huffed and I puffed and I blew his house in. His house came tumbling down, but he ran away to his brothers house down the street. Before I could get to him he had already got to his brothers house.

So I took off to his brothers house, and saw that it was made of stick, I said “Hey coward! Let me in, or Ill huff and Ill puff and Ill blow your house in!” and he said “not by the hair of my chinny chin chin” so I blew his house in. They both ran next door to their brother’s brick house. I knocked on the door and said “let me in or Ill huff and Ill puff and Ill blow your house down”, and he said “not by the hair of my chinny chin chin”. So I started to blow and blow but I couldn’t get it to fall. So I thought about going through the chimney, but I could see smoke coming out of it. I then snuck in through the back door and went inside to deal with these fools. It was three onto one, but I only had to throw a few punches and put in a few drop kicks to the face, and they were out cold. I was so fast that they were all seeing stars by the time you could say ‘don’t mess with me’. And so I left it at that. As a result, the boars moved away and were never heard of after that. I only hope that they learnt their lesson.

The animals who moved away have all since moved back and the town is thriving once again. And whats better, my wife and kids have returned too. All the animals think I’m a hero for saving the town, but I don’t think Im a hero. I’m just a dog trying to live my life, that’s all.